This is Hard to Write!

I have been wanting to update, but just really don't know how to say what needs to be said. I did go down last weekend to see my mom. Thankfully Aunt Jen decided to make the drive with me. I was a nervous wreck and was very grateful for the company. We met my sister at 10am and headed into the hospital ICU. It was very, very hard to see my mom. She was and still remains unconscious and unresponsive. She was having a rough time breathing and it was hard to watch. We met the neurologist and got the worst possible news- she is not going to wake up. I had told you it was another stroke, but I was given wrong information. The neurologist says she had a seizure as a result of the stroke the week before. This seizure was very long and left her with very minimum brain function. She is pretty much brain dead. My sister and I tried to come to grips with this news as we waited for her regular doctor to make his rounds. Now, we both know my mom's wishes and this is exactly what she did not want to have happen to her which is why she had a DNR in her living will. There was a huge paperwork mistake at the nursing home and she was labeled Full Code which means do everything possible and the ER went ahead and did what they could and found out about the mistake after it was too late. We talked to her doctor after a gruelling 4hour wait in the ICU. He was very compassionate and told us how sorry he was since he knew my mom wishes. We discussed what our options were and the best way to handle this very upsetting turn of events. Since I am her medical power of attorney, I had to sign paperwork to get her moved up to the hospice floor and have things done as I know she would wish was done in the first place. I was a mess! But I know she did not want this and that makes it a little easier for me. Before I headed back to CT I said my goodbye and prayed for her to have a quick end. Unfortunately that has not happened. It has now been 6 days and for whatever reason, her body just won't give up. I call every few hours and there is never really any change. She remains unconscious, unresponsive and having a hard time breathing. It is killing me and I wish I was not having to deal with this!

Sorry to vent, but I wanted you all to know what is happening and I will try to get back in the groove of posting every few days!